I often think what it would be like if I were a man. Apart from the fact that I could pee in
public or take my shirt off when it pleased me, what else would be vastly
different? Oh and let’s not forget- no
PMS! Hmm now we’re talkin..!
Come to think of it, there really are a lot of advantages
men have in being…. ah… well…MEN. They don’t have to constantly invest in
looking good so that a guy will come up and compliment them or feel awful when
no one gives them a second look when they walk into a room. Whew! that sounds
like a feminist talking. Let me assure you, I am not one of ‘em.
I have always had a lot of friends from the opposite sex.
Come to think of it…almost all of my friends are men. So that makes me some
kind of an authority on them. NO. That’s how a man would have thought. Actually
how men think can be a useful basis for analyzing them:
The “thinking” man:
I start this taxonomy exercise with the most common of all –
“the thinking man”. The thinking man is widely respected as a person who spends
time on intellectual pursuits. The common symptoms are: he will be found hiding
his face in a newspaper and still cannot tell what’s on page 2; he has read “War
and Peace” and can quote verbatim from it; but may not be able to change a light-bulb
in his own house.
The “I am busy” man:
This category belongs to those of my counterparts who are
always busy. They work 12-14 hour days on weekdays, with a few hours thrown in
during weekends for good measure. It may be observed that several software
engineer friends of mine suffer from this syndrome. And yes, they do talk
gibberish (which may or may not be Java code) in their sleep.
The “I, me, myself” man:
These are men who are besotted with themselves. Their love
for themselves often borders on the point of being narcissistic. They seldom
acknowledge the existence of two-legged creatures around them who possess matter
(grey or white) between the ears but resent superior specimens of any species.
The “I am awesome”
man:
“Awesome men” think it’s their duty to present their
awesomeness to the world in the most obnoxious of ways. They strongly believe
that everything about them including their house, dog, car, wife, neighbours and
their aunts are awesome and the entire world must acknowledge them. They love
sharing their opinion on anything under the sun with lesser, under-blessed, unfortunate
mortals around them.
The “Screw everything!
Let’s have beer” man:
A man in this category is often called a “man’s man”, or “alpha
male”. He is the one who loves to argue about everything under the sun and then
ends it with “Screw it! Let’s have a beer”. His peers envy him, some want to be
like him. Symptoms usually are: large crowd surrounding a small table where our
protagonist narrates one drunken adventure after another.
Mind you, it may be entirely possible that one may find all
of the above traits in one man. Or, there may be traits which I have not
written about in this blog. This is neither complete nor exhaustive; but fear not my friends. That will be material
for my next outing!!
